CORNY,GOOFY, EXTRA LONG WE GOT EM ALL! ENJOY ALL THESE JOKES! =)
These are some of my Grade6 teachers jokes, enjoy! =)
- So, there are these three guys. Ones smart, the others average and the third ones dumb. They are good friends and are traveling through a forest when it starts to get dark.... They gotta go find shelter shouldn't they? so before long they come across a little cottage. Thinking that they needed to get some shelter before the wolves get them, they knock on the door. Instantly a gun pokes out. "Whos There!?" "ill shoot!" the travelers back up. "j-j-just some travelers.. sir." the second one pipes in "we would like some shelter if you could sir," the third one just nods and says a simple "uh huh.". They gun pulls away and they see a short squat farmer with big thick harry-potter glasses. He gruffly says "Ya, sure. One sec.". The first traveler peered in the key hole, Just in time to see a closet FULL OF GOLD. He pulls back eyes wide just in time to hear a SLAM of a door closing. The farmer lets them in. "Ok, you can stay one night. One night you hear me? and I don't like no meddlers .". They follow the farmer up the stairs eyeing the closet suspiciously. They get led into there rooms. The first traveler lays there, unable to sleep. He decides to sneak down and get some gold from that closet. He creeps down the hallway, across near the farmers room, and onto the first step and CREAK. The farmer wakes with gun in hand, swings it wildly everywhere and shouts "W-W-Whos There!?" the first guy thinks fast and says "meow," the farmer flops back into his bed. "stupid cat." the first guy creeps down the stairs, fills his pockets Full of gold and sneaks back up the stairs Avoiding the top step. He settles down into his bed, pockets heavy with gold. When the second traveler wakes up. "wotcha been doing frank?" he rubs his eyes sleepily. "I just snuck down and filled my pockets with gold, why don't you get some to? just watch out the top stair creaks, i pretended i was the cat i suggest you do to." so the second traveler gets up, sneaks down the hallway and sure enough, CREAK. The farmer wakes with a shout, gun already in hand he swings it about "Stop or ill shoot!" the second traveler thinking fast remembers what his brother said and says.... "Meow". "Darn cat." the farmer says and rolls over back to sleep. The second traveler goes down fills his pockets with gold creeps back upstairs and settles into bed. That wakes up the third traveler. "uh? Jim? wassup man...." the second traveler answers "i just went down and filled my pockets with gold! watch out the top stair creaks, i pretended i was the cat i suggest you do to!" so down goes the third traveler sneaking down the hall and puts his foot on the top step and sure enough CREAKKK. The farmer jolts awake with a "Whos there!? ill shoot! i swear i will!!" the third traveler thinks back to what his brother said and says " Its the cat." Hahaha! did you get it? it was sorta long i suppose.Funny all the same. =) Thx to my grade 6 teacher for this joke and others
- So theres these three starving guys in the desert, and all at the same time there fingers brush a genie lamp. The genie appears in a puff! "Oh! Theres three of you! since you all touched the lamp at the same time, i guess on wish each!!" So the first guy goes first. "i would like a endless bag of money!" and the genie replys "As is your wish let it be!" and a endless bag of money appears. The second guy goes next. "i would like a endless bucket of water!" and again "as is your wish let it be!" and he gets a endless bucket of water. The two guys are talking about how smart they are, "You can pay me 100$ for every drink of water, and by the time we get home, well both be rich!!!" they turn to the last guy, waiting for his wish. The last (and dumb) guy says "I would like..... a-a-a........ Car door!!" and once again "As is your wish, let it be." and the third guy gets a car door. The genie turns into a wisp of smoke and gets sucked back in the bottle. The other guys are astounded. "Why did you do that!?" and the other guy reply's, "If i get hot, i can just roll down the window!" Hahaha! another one of my teachers corny jokes =) hope you got it!
- So Theres these two guys. They both collect rare animals. They decided to have a contest, of who could find the rarest animal. The first guys in a African pet store and asks to see any rare animals they have. "we have a albino crocodile!" "Eh got two of those already," "A two-headed snake!" "three already, do you have anything in the back?" the pet store worker nods and brings the guy into the back. Where he shows him the scruffiest,most worn down and dirty common bird hes ever seen. "whats so special about this bird?" "Its a rare Crunchie Bird! Here watch," the pet shop worker puts a wooden stool underneath the birds perch and says "Crunchie Bird my stool!" and the bird flies down right at it and demolishes it in SECONDS. The guys eyes widen. "ill take it!" he hands over the money and hustles over to his friends house. His friend shows him his albino giraffe. "You got something better then this?" the other guy reply's "yep sure do!" and pulls out the Crunchie bird. "its a rare Crunchie bird!" the other guy replies "Crunchie bird my foot!" Did you get it? hope you did anyway. Another crazzzy weird joke! I'm full of 'em. =3
- Quasimodo (the bell ringer in Notre Dam) has decided to retire. So he puts up a Help Wanted sign on the bell tower. Soon enough dozens of people are here to try for the job! He brings each of them in and lets them ring the bells and listens to them. He dismisses them all. Thanking them but there not what hes looking for. Hes about to take down the sign and go to bed when a guy with a no arms comes running over. "i want to try for the job!" Quasimodo just stares at him then says "not to be rude, but you have no arms... How will you ring the bell?" the guy just reply's "let me up and ill show you!" so Quasimodo leads him up to the bell tower where he stands and waits for the guy to show him how he does it. The guy backs up and runs at a bell leaping and hitting it HARD with his FACE! It makes the most beautiful bell noise Quasimodo ever heard. He hires the guy on the spot. The next day, the guy so exited to be doing this, backs up and runs at a bell! he leaps and misses!!! he flies out the bell tower and SPLAT. People gather below muttering and whispering to themselves, then Quasimodo walks up. Someone in the crowd asks him "do you know this guy?" Quasimodo answers "No, but his face sure rings a bell!" huh? huh? funny? i know I'm amazing. =D
- A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver-haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the
table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Now for some shorter jokes!
- What goes black and white, black and white, black and white?
2. whats black and white and goes haha?
The Nun that pushed her!
3. two hot dogs sitting on a grill, one says "Boy it sure is hot in here," the other one screams: "AHH! A TALKING HOTDOG!
4. What did the snowman say to the other snowman?
Do you smell carrots?
5. Why did the hotdog go into the race?
Because he would never be a loser, he would always be a Weiner!!
Some...... Interesting sayings! (may have more... Mature subject matter then again im really really strict about these things =3)
- Ring bell then run, the dogs need exercise and DINNER!!!
- Always remember to buckle your seat belt, it makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of the car!!
- Patience is a waste of time.
- I disagree, but respect your right to be stupid.
- Keep Calm, and sacrifice your brother.
- Sarcasism is the only defense against the dark forces of Logic and Reason.
- (plz dont be offended all u ppl who believe in god...) God grant me the wisdom, no one else around here seems to posses.
- (student asking teacher) Do i get bonus points if i act like i care?
- GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE AND NO-ONE GETS HURT.